The No Factory

Well Hello there folks! Yeah, I've been busy doing all the stuff that people always say that we are busy doing when you go months on end without writing anything. It's not that I didn't have any ideas it's just that I kept telling myself that I was too busy to do a post and because I thought I was I never did.

Anywho..... My tot is well into the horrible two's and it's even worse than I could have ever imagined. You have to understand that a person that can't even use the restroom alone doesn't have much time to their self. I plan on putting that on my Christmas wish list, I really want the chance to be able to take just one poop alone, just one. I never thought I would find myself in this position (unintentional irony). But that's exactly where I am.

Of course my tot does not go to school or daycare. He has the esteemed honor of staying at home with me so that he can learn the proper use of the word Shi%$ and other awesome stuff.

All joking aside my toddler is pretty advanced. I could brag about all the things he can do but I'm not about bragging. Well I am. Just not today. If you catch me in the grocery store you better believe if he's not with me I'm whipping out a picture and a 30-40 minute monologue about how amazingly awesome my toddler is. However that's NOT what we are talking about today. Today the issue here is the no and nothing but the no. There are no's flying all over the place on a DAILY basis. Do you want to eat son? NO! Are you thirsty son? NO! Do you need to use the potty son NO! Did you just pee in that Lego son NO! You get my point. I just want to mention I wasn't sure if he was hungry or thirsty but I am 100 percent sure he did pee in that Lego.

My toddler has turned into a full on NO factory. If you're looking for a No you can get it from here. I already know what you're thinking, she probably says no a lot and that's where he gets it from. I don't really say no much. No, seriously..... Did I just type it again? Yeah... I did but I really don't say "it" (the N word, not the raciest N word the other one) much. I think that's the first thing a parent of a no factory does. You immediately start monitoring your own no's and count how many times you say it. When someone says something and you want to shout NO (the toddler way). I look over at him to try and figure out another way to say no such as using "well...... I'm not sure or I'm not thinking that's okay.” I'm sounding more and more passive aggressive every day. It's killing me. You have to save your No's for the really awful stuff.

I was down to less than 3 or less a no's a day. I would still be counting no's to this day if I hadn't ran into a lady with a toddler at Publix. I was pushing my cart through with my tot minding my own business. That's not really true I'm never really just minding my own business. Super nosy lol! As we are waling though the store I hear a toddler yelling NOOOO NOOOO. I was instantly relived for two reason first it wasn't my kid screaming and two I knew this kid was a no factory as well. I had to find them. I followed the screams and sure enough it was another 2 year old. I realized from talking to her mom that I wasn't the only proud owner of a no factory and this like the many other phases that we have experienced thus far would come and go. No for now, see you later.

Mommy the Turd Hunter

Let's start this post off by saying POTTY TRAINING! Okay, now that I've got that out of my system we can move on. The other day I said that I was quitting with the potty training until Trey turns 2. His birthday is the 5th of November. That's a little time for us to have a break with the whole business and get back into it on a fresh note. My floors and I (the cleaning lady) have had ENOUGH with the pee and poop everywhere. It was just getting out of hand. The next day, I woke up and thought we would give it another try. The choice to try again resulted in me getting my foot peed on and hunting a turd for the better part of the day. Being a mommy has me doing tons of things I never thought I would and not to mention while searching for the turd I was wondering to myself if I really even had any dignity at all left lol! I'd like to take a moment to address all the people who have given advice and tips for potty training. Thank you for nothing! I've tried about 75% of those tips and none of that shit has worked. I have come to the conclusion that potty training is a lot like giving birth and no two experiences are the same. With that being said, Potty Training has been discontinued until further notice. This boy is just not ready yet! Signs that's he's ready my ass! My son is obviously not ready. The moral of this post 1) Quit when you say you are so you won't get your foot peed on 2) There are no egos in potty training.

Dinner with a Toddler Heckler

I think most of us have encountered a toddler heckler at some point. Instead of shouting obstinacies these little people are sharing greetings and smiles. I’ve seen them out before even before I had a child. A joyful toddler calling me over and it never bothered me. I’ve even been touched by children before and although it was surprising. I wasn’t annoyed by it.  On my previous encounters with toddler hecklers I’ve seen he looks of frustration on the parents face because apparently they have been at it all day greeting, calling and playing with complete strangers. Now it’s me with the little heckler. When we are out at dinner or really most places not a person gets past him without him telling them HI! Not a thing gets brought to the table without him telling the waitress or waiter “Thank You” loudly. He attracts a lot of attention and calls people over to the table giving hi fives and all. Now, I’m the one with the dumb look on my face because I can’t really stop him. At 22 months he really knows how to work a room. Maybe politicians are born and not made. He is usually on fire toddler heckling at restaurants. I think his goal is to attract as many people as possible over to the table. I’m sure this is a phase and he will grow out of it at some point. I would be more urgent in trying to stop him from doing this because I’m really uncomfortable with strangers being around him and he truly does cause a scene.  I can’t help but be proud of the smiles he gets. The people that his little heckler greetings obviously made their day. I’m not sure if we get any dirty looks. I wouldn’t really notice anyways he’s not screaming and crying he just wants to say hello.  Here is a little video from him toddler heckling at dinner the other night. 

The hell with this! Do you want ice cream?

 My son is officially a toddler and has been for quite a little while now. Toddlers tend to have a reputation to be a bit cranky, stubborn and at times downright uncooperative.  In the mist of all their new discoveries and skills they typically learn their new favorite word, NO! My 22 month old son is no exception. He has his days of defiance but for the most part he’s generally a pretty easy going, jolly little guy.

One of my favorite things about toddlers is the fact that they are so easy to read. You can typically tell by the look on their faces exactly how they are feeling. My little toddler is especially easy for me to read because he has big brown eyes.  When I go to his room every morning to get him he greets me with a, “hi”. On those days mornings he’s in a great mood. There are other days when he sees me and starts whining those are usually a little grumpier. This particular morning however when I looked into his eyes I knew at some point during the day we were going to have a problem. He wasn’t grumpy but he obviously wasn’t in his normally jolly temperament. I just happened to be in a mood that day myself. I ignored the fact that he was semi annoyed and the day for the most part went off without a hitch. The problem arose around 5 pm when I decided he was going to be taking an early bath.  My son is a lover of all things water and always enjoys having a bath. This day somehow he decided that he was going to have his water running the entire time he was in the tub. This is something we have never done before and really just came out of left field. Of course it was a no go. He wasn’t having that and cried during the bath. Afterwards he cried while he got dressed.  He wasn’t done there he followed me into the kitchen and cried for an hour while holding on to my skirt. He was angry! I picked him up and held him the crying continued. I offered him a snack, milk, and juice and he shook his head no, still wailing.  We went into the living room where he continued to have a tantrum. Typically, I don’t back down when I know for a fact my son is just being stubborn. I try not to reward bad behavior when he has tantrums.

This particular day I was weak. My nerves had their last scream. I wanted to cry with him but, I was certain that wouldn’t help. I hopped off the couch saying under my breath, “the hell with this”. I made a mad dash for the freezer and got the ice cream. He of course was still crying and had followed me into the kitchen. I opened the ice cream and offered him a spoonful hoping he was interested.  He went for it! We went back into the living room where he ate ice cream for another 30 minutes until I could get him calmed down. This was his first tantrum where I wasn’t able to distract him enough to get him over it.  I was desperate so I used the ice cream. I really hope my son doesn't grow up t be a jerk because I gave in with ice cream. What are some methods that you use to defuse a toddler tantrum?  

I Potty Mommy

 My potty training experience has been difficult so far to say the least. It has involved many a triumph but equally as many failures. My toddler is now 21 months. I wonder if I’m trying to early but according to the books he’s giving me the signs. At the moment we are in a bit of a let’s just say an awkward period. My son does not like to use the potty or wear a diaper hence my problem. My little streakier brings me all type of treasure including poop. The other day he even popped while wearing a diaper and crouched behind the potty while holding on to the top to support him while he squatted down and did business. I know there's a lot of while's in that but seriously there was just no other way to describe that scenario. This blog was originally titled. Alone stood the potty but as of right now the potty’s not so much alone right now. The situation has changed a bit the potty now has the company of a little liar. Let me explain, my toddler knows that everyone gets excited when he uses the potty. So, now days he is taking his diaper off to go sit on the potty. Then, after a few moments he says, “I potty “which I fall for every time (call me a sucker) I start cheering for him and saying, “YAY” only to discover that the potty is totally empty EVERYTIME! If I don’t make it over quite in time to see that there is nothing in there. I’m made aware by my little toddler picking up the potty slinging it around which of course would have wasted pee out if there was actually anything in there.  The first few times he did this I was shocked. Then I thought well maybe he thought he had to. But when he did actually have to pee he did it on the kitchen floor and NOT in the potty and mind you he didn’t say a word. I’m still wondering if I scared him the last time he actually used the potty. I was so excited that I scared the crap outta him or back in. Either way he hasn’t used the potty since. My son has managed a way to trick me into giving him the potty claps with his little innocent lie. I was going to let it go after I realized what he was doing because I thought it would get him excited about it and really make him want to be a potty user.  After two days of playing potty he took it too far. His dad was over and when he came in the door Trey runs over and said, “I potty daddy”. I had to do a double take. So, he’s decided to really roll with this whole potty lie huh? He’s gonna take this whole I potty thing on the road huh? Not on my watch. I informed everyone including him that it was not true and that if he wanted to be a I potty story teller he was going to have to actually USE the potty. He’s so cute and I’m still running over for the boy who cried potty.  No new progress as of yet. He still isn’t using it only lies. I hope this change soon. I just don’t want to be handed another turd. Don’t ask! Lol!

 The little potty liar